NEW BLOG!

Hello Everyone!

It's been a while since I have posted anything, but I feel like it is time to end this blog and begin a new one. I have started a new blog that I am very excited about! It has a clear purpose and I'm really hoping that you all will read it!

Here is a link:
http://littledailyadventures.wordpress.com/

Please please please check it out! It would mean so much to me!

Thoughts.

I don't post much anymore. This is probably because I never make time for myself. Right now, I feel like I shouldn't even be posting and doing something else. But here I am. And I guess I really just need to get my thoughts down.

I'm happy. I really am. I am starting to come to peace with where I am at my life and who I am.

But some things still make me upset. This may sound stupid to some, but here it goes...

Last year, I had a micro usb in my phone with most of the music I've written on it. Well it got wet and now I don't know if I can retrieve those files. And it will cost me a lot of money if I can. But it makes me so angry. I am still angry at myself for not being more careful, and not transferring those files to my computer earlier. To this day, I find it very difficult to write music because I feel like everything I did in the past has disappeared and it makes me sad.

I miss music. blah.

I'm not sure why I am sharing this. I just needed to get it down somewhere concrete.

Just some thoughts that you won't really understand...

Lately I feel like I have been totally confused about my life... ever since I have been home I feel like things haven't been how I expected. I've just felt kind of down. I'm not really sure why... or what is making me feel this way. Right now I just feel kind of sad and not sure where I really belong. My hormones could be messing with me I suppose. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this... I just need to get my thoughts out in the open. And someone to talk to, but I'm not sure who or if I'd be willing to talk in the first place.

On a brighter side, I got to see some dear friends to night that I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice. =)

Wellll, maybe I will come up with a less vague post for later, but for now I bid you goodnight.

A little dip into my mind tonight...

Going to mass tonight was such a good decision. That's all I really wanna say right now. I haven't been to daily mass very much this semester because I'd always say I was too tired or had to much homework or I had something going on... Well tonight I went, and it was well worth it. I didn't know how much I missed it... not only being there with God but being there with such a wonderful community of people striving for grace. I've missed all of that and I'm sad that I've let myself drift away... well I'm coming back now. I need to make God a bigger part of my life again. He's been calling me for awhile now, It's time that I actually answer.

VENTING... kinda.

It's been a stressful few weeks.

Lots of projects, the constant struggle I have with drawing, and I've been sick which left my a little bit behind coming into this week...

I'm sitting in art history right now, and just can't get myself to focus. All I really want is sleep and to see my best friend... And to pray. But I want to feel like I have the time to pray. I feel like I don't even have time to recover from being sick, or even to breathe.

I just feel like I'm struggling with a lot right now, and need to get my life together a bit. Spring break is much needed, so my goal is to not waste it. I have only six days of class left... wait... five because today is practically over. I can do this... I can do this...

This was just kind of a venting post I suppose... Life is good, just hard, just got to keep pushing forward... =)

Music is my diary.

So I wrote a new song.... I'm not sure what I want to call it... It's some kind of prayer...

Not sure what I want to say

But I feel as though I should say something

Because honestly, I am so afraid

Instead of facing my fears, I keep running away

Chorus: And they say that time makes things better

But some things, they don’t seem to change

And I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be

The person I want to

Open my eyes

Open my eyes

Teach me how to see

Teach me how to breathe

Inhale and exhale

It’s not that simple, I regret to say

Because anxiety has got me by the neck

And I’m struggling but can’t break away

Chorus

Open my eyes

Open my eyes

Open my heart

To love like you love

See like you see

Don’t let my selfishness consume me

To love like you love

See like you see

I can’t do this alone, please help me now

Chorus

I think this song describes how I often feel sometimes... I do wonder a lot if I will ever be the person that God is calling me to be... I feel like I'm always failing and never making myself into a better person. I'm sure I don't feel alone in this... But that is why this song is a prayer I suppose... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I need God's help to do anything in life... and if I ever will truly become the person I'm called to be then it will be through Christ. How ironic that I'm posting/thinking about all of this right before lent. Looks like its about the perfect time of the year to actually follow through with that long list of things that I want to change about myself... 

Short blog post I suppose... but this girl has a busy life that she leads. Till next time, 

"Pray. Hope. And Don't worry."

The Little Things... and the things not so little. What I'm thankful for today.

Today has been a good day. Let me tell you why.

1. I got 8 hours of precious sleep.
2. I got my homework done around 7:30
3. I think I'm starting to understand drawing a bit more... slowly but surely.
4. I made a new friend today.
5. It was 68 degrees today... It's January!
6. It's only 9 o'clock so I have  freetime to use as I chose.
7. I have the bestest friend in the world. That isn't something exclusive to today but just thinking about that makes me happy.

Thank you God for Today. =D

It's like I forgot I have a blog or something... or my schedule is to busy to maintain it.

Well, it's been a while. Not that, that many people read this in the first place. I guess this blog is sometimes just more of a place I can air my thoughts. Maybe someday it will have some direction... maybe someday my life will have some direction as well. Well, a girl can hope.

There are days when I honestly have no clue where I'm headed in life. Why am I in school? Is this really what I should be studying? I'm I spending my time wisely? Am I thinking too much about the future? Am I thinking too little? It's hard to juggle school, friends, family, God, myself... and sometimes I just can't handle it. But having breakdowns aren't always bad, then you can start fresh again. I guess this time of life can be frustrating for anyone. People always expect so much of you. I expect so much of myself. You have to figure out your life Kelly, the world demands it. Everyone is counting on you to have everything under control. Well what if I don't have everything under control? What is the world going to then? What will I do then?

Regardless of my worries, I know everything will turn out okay in the end. I've always known that. It's just the getting there part. How many mistakes can I make? How many wrong turns will I take? How long before I find my way? Hmmm that could be the start of a song....

Speaking of which I started a song over winter break that kind of goes along with how I feel sometimes. This is the chorus:

And these dreams of yesterdayCant compare with the ones I'm dreaming nowAnd I cannot believeWhat I have seen and where I've beenOnly God knew this could happenBecause I still don't know where I'm heading And now, It doesn't matterSomehow, I'll find what I'm after. 

Somehow.... I'll find what I'm after. Somehow... I'll have my happily ever after. And who's to say that it isn't happening now? Nothing is perfect, but life is wonderful. I just wish I had more time to live it. Instead spending my time stressed over school projects and other issues. Life is one big adventure and every part of it counts. There's not just one part when things are automatically better. We have our ups and we have our downs. But that is part of the journey. Part of what helps us grow and makes us better people.

So to conclude I guess haha, Life is good... but I can feel a little directionless at times. "Everything will be fine," my friends tell me almost jokingly when I'm stressed out. But they are right, everything will be fine.

Oh Lord, show me what I'm after. 

Music Love

It's days like this where I wish I could just play my guitar and sing for literally the whole day...

I haven't played for a while... until today. I went to a concert last night which really made me wanna write. I started writing two songs. Who knows when they will be finished. But at least I have started.

The love I have for music is something I can't explain. I know many people probably feel the same way I do... But goodness, it is something I feel strongly connected too. God made that so... I write out my worries, my sadness, my joy all into music. Not many people have heard a lot of my music, but it is really apart of me. I wish I could share it more...

I would really just love to sit and play for my friends some day... that is if they would wanna listen.

I'm in a reflective mood. One perfect for songwriting. I would post what I started writing... but I think I will save that for later.

A lot on my mind.

Have a good week everyone. Don't forgot to make time for yourself... for the things that make you happy.

Umm... Help?

So.

I'm feeling confused about something that I thought I was starting to figure out... Funny how those things go. God's will is all fuzzy to me. I just can't seem to figure it out. Is it because I am not trusting him enough? Because I'm afraid?

I don't know the answer. I don't know what to do. I just needed to get my thoughts out. And now the internet has them......

In other news, actually I have no other news right now... Kelly is tired. College makes her tired. She needs sleep... But no worries though, she will survive. =)

Thoughts that come about while doing the wonderfully exciting task... a thing people call... Laundry.

So... I'm just sitting here waiting for my laundry to be done... I'm also sitting here with my art history book in my lap but I am avoiding reading it... And the perfect way to do that is by writing a blog.

A friend got me thinking the other day. I was really stressed out about some of my classes... I was overreacting and forgetting to trust. She sent me this text... And what I will show you is a little modified so it can apply to everyone and not just me:

"You have time to figure this out and don't have to find your purpose right away. God may have a reason for not revealing it his will to you right now."

Like I said... that got me thinking. And there are two specific things I got from it. 1. A reminder that God has reason for everything. 2. Patience is key in discerning his will.

Life shouldn't be easy. If it was easy... I dare to say it would be a lot less boring. Challenges make us better people, and pain (as much as it hurts) can make us stronger. Persevering through tough times can do so many good things for you. I've really come to understand that quite recently. And if I hadn't gone through those tough times, I wouldn't have overcome some of my demons. So it may be strange for some to hear this, but I'm glad I went through that time of struggle. It became a time of growth, a time of growth that I really truly needed.

Another friend told me about another analogy that I really like: Our spiritual life is like climbing up a waterfall. Sometimes the climb is really easy... the path is covered by slippery rocks or dangerous rapids. But sometimes, it is quite the opposite. You slip. You fall. You feel like you can't go on. But if you preserver. The view at the top is one of the most beautiful views you have ever seen in your life. (I suppose this analogy could work with climbing a mountain as well).

The journey of life is a crazy one. It is a crazy beautiful and wonderfully confusing one. But that is how I like it and as it should be.

Perhaps God is calling me to be patient in this time of stress... to persevere... to not give up so quickly. Waiting is not a bad thing. Good things come to those who wait. I know with God at my side everything will work itself out in the end... now if only I can remember that along the way. =P

My Day!

So, today I woke up at 8:30. Crazy stuff right??? I'm so surprised I actually woke up. haha. I didn't wake up in time for breakfast though... apparently it ends at 8:30!! Who knew? Not this girl. Well me and my roommate rachel decided to make our way up to the union where we could eat... nom coffee and oatmeal. Well the oatmeal was okay I guess. =P

Then I got to go to mass. I was super pumped cuz the last daily mass I went to was too long ago... It was my first mass in town... discovered that people only seem to sit on the right side of the church at daily mass cuz rachel and I were the only ones on the the left. lol. Well now we know. I also had time to pray a whole rosary before mass started which was really nice. =)

After mass we came back to our room where I finally had a chance to play my guitar which I have been dying to do... a girl knocked on our door because apparently I was singing and playing loud enough that you could hear it through the walls. She told me I had a good voice and that she may come back and make me play a song for her lol.

I also got to spend two hours writing at the library today. I LOVE the library here. It is so relaxing and peaceful. There is this room called the Great Room where you are required to be quiet... It def looks like something right out of Harry Potter...

Then I met my new advisor... cuz I've already gone through two and classes haven't even started. She was really nice.

It's been a good day... and it's not nearly over. *Happy sigh* I love it here. =)

A New Home.

Today was moving day.

I am no longer living in a familiar place with the familiar faces of my family. I am 2 and a half hours away. At college. I have many mixed feelings about that. Excitement. Anticipation. Fear. Anxiety. Happiness. Sadness...

It's a change. And as much as I hate change... I know this will be a good change. This is a part of growing. And I am looking forward to it. I have high hopes for this year. Luckily, I am not beginning this new chapter in my life alone. I have some really great friends coming to school with me... one in particular friend of mine and I have become very close... and that friendship really makes me happy. I am very blessed...

* * *

My parents just left... I didn't think I would be this sad... hehe, I'm actually crying some... There is a part of me deep in my heart that doesn't want to leave home yet... that doesn't quite want to grow up. However, the majority of myself... if thats an okay way to word it... knows I have to. And not only that, but wants to and knows it will be good.

This place. This campus. This room--this will become my new home... not a permanent one. But my home for the next four years. And the friends that I have now and the new ones I make will become practically family. I do have high hopes like I said before. It will be a good year. And I have Christ at my side guiding me as I walk.

Summer of Changes

Well I haven't written a blogpost in over a month... Like I said I'm really bad about doing this. Anywho, I happen to have some time to spare... maybe not, but I'd like to get some thoughts out.

The last 6 months of my life have been some of the most painful, heart wrenching, and hard months of my life.... but they have been some of the most beautiful. This has been one of my best summers... one of my favorites. And the number one reason for that you ask? God. I have discovered the friendship of Jesus Christ and it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Now this friendship has been a journey and even sometimes a struggle... I am by no means a perfect friend, however, his unconditional love continues to amaze me.

God definitely has a wonderful plan for my life. Do I know what it is? Nope! Another piece is reveled everyday... and it is an exciting adventure. He has brought so many people and so many experiences into my life without me even realizing the impact that they would have on me.

Let's talk about friends. I have some of the strongest and best friendships of my life at this point. They are friends that will do anything for me and aren't afraid to call me out if I am doing something stupid... I have realized that my best friendships are the ones rooted in Christ. We are all striving for virtue. We may be at different parts of our own journey, but we are all following the same path. Each and every day, I am learning to become a better friend. To place myself second. "To love rather than to be loved." (I love the prayer of St. Francis).

So, now I am getting ready to go off to college... a BIG change. It makes me kind of nervous thinking about it. For the first time in my life I am going to be living on my own without my parents as a safety net. I have the looming pressure in the back of my mind that is making me second-guess my major. A lot of my best friends won't be coming with me. And I leave in two days.

...It's a lot to take in. One of my dear friends has a new quote that she lives by: Pray, hope, and don't worry. ~Padre Pio.

That's what I need to do now. Let God take control... because I am really not alone. I have Him there every second along the way. Now I have to just make sure I always remember that.

So now I feel as if I am rambling haha... Honestly, I should get back to packing. I have a lot to do... and never feels as if there is enough time.

I will end with another quote that I absolutely love.

God is like a parachute. he will save you when you fall, but you have to jump to fell Him carrying you. 

Catching Up, Laying Back, and Listening to Music.

So, I think it has been established that I am an awful blogger... I can't even keep up with blogging once a week.... Anywho, right now I'm at my friend Caity's house. And I'm typing this on her MACBOOK PRO. I want one so terribly bad. I'm saving up for one... about half way there! Yay! We were planning on going swimming, but the sun decided that he didn't wanna show himself today... oh wells. We went anyway. Now we are just chilling in her room and listening to music. Right now the music of choice is "There She Goes" performed by Sixpence None the Richer. Listen!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTbNTe5gZLo

Another good one of their songs is called "Kiss Me." This one I like much better... and they actually wrote this one. Listen Again!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32rasDF7jtQ

Well I could ramble on about music for hours... but I don't really have the time haha. I don't really have a whole lot to say right now... so I'm going to sign off. More updates later!

All the Small Things

Okay. I have been super busy this week.... ergo... blog has not been updated. But hello again! I just woke up. And I'm eating a hot pocket. I'm sure you all wanted to know that...

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about appreciation. I mean, my life hasn't been exactly the easiest lately, but it is amazing all the wonderful things God has been placing in my life to counter the hardship.. But the thing to remember is that grace sometimes comes in the smallest ways, but that doesn't mean it doesn't leave a big impact.

The little things leave the biggest impacts on our hearts... at least that is something that I believe. For example, a smile from a friend when you are having a bad day can change that bad day into a better one.

So here is my goal for this summer.. or rather one for my life. Always appreciate the small things. They make up life... now I want to tell you about the last few days because they have been really really awesome.
.

• Friday night I went to riverfest with some friends... We watched the fireworks together. It was just one of those moments when, even though things aren't perfect in life, it reminds that there is hope.
• Friday late night the same group of friends and I went to Mcdonald's and tried to drive an "invisible car" through the drive thru. It didn't work haha... but I did something I'd never thought I'd do.
• Saturday morning my and a friend when to Taco Bell at 11:30 in the morning... in our pajamas. 
• Saturday afternoon I went to the lake for a friends birthday party... I got to go tubing with one of my best friends in the whole wide world. 
• Saturday night I saw a dear friend in a dance recital... She is so beautiful. And I can't help but smile when I think of how talented she is. 
• Sunday night I headed back to riverfest... saw a country concert (another thing I thought I'd never do) and then hung out at sonic afterwards. 

It's been a wonderful past couple of days... and I'm incredibly blessed. Those are the things that pull me through when I am feeling down... and I am forever grateful. 

Introductions

My friend Annie has been telling me that I should get one of these things for quite some time now.... and I finally did. Thank you Annie for encouraging me to get one! I think I will like having a blog. I have a lot of thoughts inside my head that never seem to have the chance to come out... well this can be that place for them to flow freely.

So what should you, my readers, expect? Well, I will keep that a surprise, because I think it will be a surprise to myself as well. I will write what comes to mind, so we shall see how this story unfolds together. =)

Now for a little about myself.

Hi! My name is Kelly! I would be no where in life without God, my friends, or music. I love life, despite all the struggles it brings. I am a songwriter. I love to laugh... according to my friends I have multiple and very distinguishable laughs! Haha, well I'm glad! I'm introverted, and that's okay. But, I also love talking... I tend to ramble... Like now for example, I could go on for hours about who I am. But I don't wanna give everything away at one time!

So keep in touch, I promise I have something interesting to say. =)