A little dip into my mind tonight...

Going to mass tonight was such a good decision. That's all I really wanna say right now. I haven't been to daily mass very much this semester because I'd always say I was too tired or had to much homework or I had something going on... Well tonight I went, and it was well worth it. I didn't know how much I missed it... not only being there with God but being there with such a wonderful community of people striving for grace. I've missed all of that and I'm sad that I've let myself drift away... well I'm coming back now. I need to make God a bigger part of my life again. He's been calling me for awhile now, It's time that I actually answer.

VENTING... kinda.

It's been a stressful few weeks.

Lots of projects, the constant struggle I have with drawing, and I've been sick which left my a little bit behind coming into this week...

I'm sitting in art history right now, and just can't get myself to focus. All I really want is sleep and to see my best friend... And to pray. But I want to feel like I have the time to pray. I feel like I don't even have time to recover from being sick, or even to breathe.

I just feel like I'm struggling with a lot right now, and need to get my life together a bit. Spring break is much needed, so my goal is to not waste it. I have only six days of class left... wait... five because today is practically over. I can do this... I can do this...

This was just kind of a venting post I suppose... Life is good, just hard, just got to keep pushing forward... =)

Music is my diary.

So I wrote a new song.... I'm not sure what I want to call it... It's some kind of prayer...

Not sure what I want to say

But I feel as though I should say something

Because honestly, I am so afraid

Instead of facing my fears, I keep running away

Chorus: And they say that time makes things better

But some things, they don’t seem to change

And I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be

The person I want to

Open my eyes

Open my eyes

Teach me how to see

Teach me how to breathe

Inhale and exhale

It’s not that simple, I regret to say

Because anxiety has got me by the neck

And I’m struggling but can’t break away

Chorus

Open my eyes

Open my eyes

Open my heart

To love like you love

See like you see

Don’t let my selfishness consume me

To love like you love

See like you see

I can’t do this alone, please help me now

Chorus

I think this song describes how I often feel sometimes... I do wonder a lot if I will ever be the person that God is calling me to be... I feel like I'm always failing and never making myself into a better person. I'm sure I don't feel alone in this... But that is why this song is a prayer I suppose... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I need God's help to do anything in life... and if I ever will truly become the person I'm called to be then it will be through Christ. How ironic that I'm posting/thinking about all of this right before lent. Looks like its about the perfect time of the year to actually follow through with that long list of things that I want to change about myself... 

Short blog post I suppose... but this girl has a busy life that she leads. Till next time, 

"Pray. Hope. And Don't worry."

The Little Things... and the things not so little. What I'm thankful for today.

Today has been a good day. Let me tell you why.

1. I got 8 hours of precious sleep.
2. I got my homework done around 7:30
3. I think I'm starting to understand drawing a bit more... slowly but surely.
4. I made a new friend today.
5. It was 68 degrees today... It's January!
6. It's only 9 o'clock so I have  freetime to use as I chose.
7. I have the bestest friend in the world. That isn't something exclusive to today but just thinking about that makes me happy.

Thank you God for Today. =D

It's like I forgot I have a blog or something... or my schedule is to busy to maintain it.

Well, it's been a while. Not that, that many people read this in the first place. I guess this blog is sometimes just more of a place I can air my thoughts. Maybe someday it will have some direction... maybe someday my life will have some direction as well. Well, a girl can hope.

There are days when I honestly have no clue where I'm headed in life. Why am I in school? Is this really what I should be studying? I'm I spending my time wisely? Am I thinking too much about the future? Am I thinking too little? It's hard to juggle school, friends, family, God, myself... and sometimes I just can't handle it. But having breakdowns aren't always bad, then you can start fresh again. I guess this time of life can be frustrating for anyone. People always expect so much of you. I expect so much of myself. You have to figure out your life Kelly, the world demands it. Everyone is counting on you to have everything under control. Well what if I don't have everything under control? What is the world going to then? What will I do then?

Regardless of my worries, I know everything will turn out okay in the end. I've always known that. It's just the getting there part. How many mistakes can I make? How many wrong turns will I take? How long before I find my way? Hmmm that could be the start of a song....

Speaking of which I started a song over winter break that kind of goes along with how I feel sometimes. This is the chorus:

And these dreams of yesterdayCant compare with the ones I'm dreaming nowAnd I cannot believeWhat I have seen and where I've beenOnly God knew this could happenBecause I still don't know where I'm heading And now, It doesn't matterSomehow, I'll find what I'm after. 

Somehow.... I'll find what I'm after. Somehow... I'll have my happily ever after. And who's to say that it isn't happening now? Nothing is perfect, but life is wonderful. I just wish I had more time to live it. Instead spending my time stressed over school projects and other issues. Life is one big adventure and every part of it counts. There's not just one part when things are automatically better. We have our ups and we have our downs. But that is part of the journey. Part of what helps us grow and makes us better people.

So to conclude I guess haha, Life is good... but I can feel a little directionless at times. "Everything will be fine," my friends tell me almost jokingly when I'm stressed out. But they are right, everything will be fine.

Oh Lord, show me what I'm after. 

Music Love

It's days like this where I wish I could just play my guitar and sing for literally the whole day...

I haven't played for a while... until today. I went to a concert last night which really made me wanna write. I started writing two songs. Who knows when they will be finished. But at least I have started.

The love I have for music is something I can't explain. I know many people probably feel the same way I do... But goodness, it is something I feel strongly connected too. God made that so... I write out my worries, my sadness, my joy all into music. Not many people have heard a lot of my music, but it is really apart of me. I wish I could share it more...

I would really just love to sit and play for my friends some day... that is if they would wanna listen.

I'm in a reflective mood. One perfect for songwriting. I would post what I started writing... but I think I will save that for later.

A lot on my mind.

Have a good week everyone. Don't forgot to make time for yourself... for the things that make you happy.

Umm... Help?

So.

I'm feeling confused about something that I thought I was starting to figure out... Funny how those things go. God's will is all fuzzy to me. I just can't seem to figure it out. Is it because I am not trusting him enough? Because I'm afraid?

I don't know the answer. I don't know what to do. I just needed to get my thoughts out. And now the internet has them......

In other news, actually I have no other news right now... Kelly is tired. College makes her tired. She needs sleep... But no worries though, she will survive. =)